My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
