a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
