called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
