Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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