Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
