I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
