i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
