I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
