I'm eating all of the evidence.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
