its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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