watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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