She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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