Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
