apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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