she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
