I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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