Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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