You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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