I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
