So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
