alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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