just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
