wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
