My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
