I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
