i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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