Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
