Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
