Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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