I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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