Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
