I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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