That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
