pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
