worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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