Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
