I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
