your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
