I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
