His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
