it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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