now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
