sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
