so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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