I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
