Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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