I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
