chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
