Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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