I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
