areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
