help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
