Plan B is the new Plan A
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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