My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
