If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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