you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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