I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
