but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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