The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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