the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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