dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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