You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
