there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
