The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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