Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
