Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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