I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dignity is for republicans.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
