Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was born a porn star she said
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
