so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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