I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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