your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
