There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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