I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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