i think i have two assholes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
