Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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