Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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