My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
