I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
